Im going back to my old self now…

I mindsturbate…

I am Timangkey

 A lot have been said about men and women. And here are some of mine.

Women – are from Venus.

We men – are from Mars.

Women – need to be in the mood.

We men – just need to be in the room (or anywhere).

Women – love the color pink.

We men – love the color pink (on certain objects only)

Women – love getting flower on special occasions.

We men – love getting flower everyday.

Women – lie about the number of men they slept with.

We men – lie about the number of women we slept with.

Women – cry over melodramatic movies.

We men – laugh at any movie, regardless of genre (except bold movies)

Women – like to go to the restrooms together with other women.

We men – like to go to the restrooms together with other women.

Women – go to the gym to stay fit.

We men – go to the gym to see those women.

Women – call there friends by their name.

We men – call our friends by aliases (Boy Kulangot, Boy Tigas, Tukmol, etc)

Women – watch Darna for the love story.

We men – watch Darna for the costume.

Women – hates spiders and other creepy crawlies.

We men – play with spiders and other creepy crawlies.

Women – will screw up anything for men.

We men – will screw women for anything.

Women – wear sunglasses on the beach to protect their eyes from the sun.

We men – wear sunglasses on the beach to protect our eyes from other eyes.

Women – go to theaters for the movie.

We men – go to theaters for the darkness.

Women – go crazy during their period.

We men – go crazy during women’s period.

Women – love it when men make them “sundo”.

We men – love it when we “sundot” women.

Women – fake orgasm.

We men – fake everything but the orgasm.

Women – love make ups.

We men – love make outs.

Women – wear make ups to make themselves beautiful.

We men – drink beer to make you women beautiful.

Women – love cats.

We men – love pussy.

Women – talk a lot.

We men – pretend to listen a lot.

We men – lie sometimes.

Women – think we lie all the time.

We men – who don’t shave for a week is rugged.

Women – who don’t shave for a week is the missing link.

We men – try to earn money to get women.

Women – try to get men to earn money.

We men – have valid reasons to be late.

Women – are the reason we men are late.

We men – will bet on anything.

Women – will but in anything.

We men – say we’re not a virgin even if we still are.

Women – say they are still a virgin even if they aren’t.

We men – will kill to have the perfect woman.

Women – will kill that woman.

They say:

Behind every great man is a woman.

I say:

A man behind every woman is great.

Mindsturbation.

Urban dictionary (yes, the ghetto cousin of Merriam-Webster) defines the term as:

 “To masturbate to someone using your mind, not your hands.”

 It already sucks that someone thought of the mindsturbation term way before I did (although I did not find out until I’ve thought of the term), but their meaning to the term mindsturbation is very different from my definition. They actually mean, to masturbate (but not using the hands but the mind).

 When I was thinking for a coined word for the blog that I will be creating (have created), I was looking for a word to describe the act of thinking differently, opening the mind, looking at things on a different perspective, stimulating the mind to promote understanding. (and, yes of course, I was trying to look for something naughty too. Guilty)

 For me, mindsturbation is the act of stimulating the mind to give pleasure (not necessarily sexual) to a person. It’s like saying “intellectually stimulating” actually.

 e.g. “I just had a mindsturbating conversation with this girl I met at the park. She was amazing.”

 “Dude, I was smoking weed last night, right. I was just staring at nothing man, then I had a mindsturbating experience. I now understand the meaning of life man. Totally rocks man.”

 See, it has more ring to it than just saying intellectually stimulating.

 All of us mindsturbate. I do. In fact, I do it daily. Multiple times (Oh yeah!). When you wake up in the morning, and you are not sure if you are to go to the office or not, you are mindsturbating. When you don’t know what to wear, you mindsturbate. When you are creating a blog post, you are mindsturbating. When you try solve a problem at work, you mindsturbate. When you see a very beautiful woman on television, wearing a 2 piece bikini, with large breast, long legs, flat stomach, and a round ass… you lock the door first. then you mindsturbate.

 To have a good and satisfying mindsturbation, keep in mind that it involves a lot of thinking and imagining things. You have to have great imagination. Great imagination equals great mindsturbation. Sometimes it helps when you massage your head (around the temples). It helps on the circulation of blood in the head. You can use baby oil to maximize the effect of the massage. When mindsturbating, you must start slow. Don’t force your brain to think fast and hard yet. That will come later. Keep your train of thought straight. As you go along, pick up the pace and go faster (deeper). Think faster and think deeper. You will feel the need to go faster as you go along especially when you are approaching your goal – the enlightening thought. And when you do come to a conclusion and reach your goal, you burst into an inexplicable happiness and satisfaction.

 Mindsturbation is actually healthy. It keeps your mind active. It keeps the circulation of blood to your head on a good level. It relieves your tension. It’s a nice way to de-stress. It is also good to mindsturbate with somebody, especially your love ones. You can also do mindsturbation in groups, Mass Mindsturbation.

 This blog will feature my thoughts as results of my constant mindsturbation. You can also share your enlightening insights about anything. I encourage you to mindsturbate me. Mindsturbate all of us, by sharing your thoughts.

 Like it or not (you are a hypocrite if you say you don’t like it), Mindsturbation is part of growing up. Mindsturbation is part of being human.

 “Come” and Mindsturbate!

I have been masturbating thinking a lot lately. Should I create a blog? Can I actually write something that makes sense and relevant? What will write about? I didn’t know the answer so I kept on masturbating thinking.

Then boom! (tirik mata)… it suddenly “came” to me. I don’t need a specific topic to write about. Why limit yourself? There are plenty of things to write about. Even though the blog might not cater to a specific interest and may just end up like trash, (It will end up as trash no matter what anyway), at least I wrote something. It may be trash, but it will be MY trash.

So after making punas the pawis after a long session of masturbating thinking, I gently stroked my stubby bird beard and tried to think of a name for my blog.

“<My Name>’s Blog”…. too common… next!

“Fonald Fuck”…. Nope… next!

“The Thoughts of a Demented Homosapien”…. too obvious… next!

“TapsiBlog”.. even without checking Im pretty sure it is already taken…next!

“Male Blog”… im pretty sure that’s taken too. Next

Wheew stroking my bird beard sure is tiring… Then I tot, hmmm…bird…. beard…stroking… beach…. naked… Jessica Alba… hard… its hard… fuck it, its really hard too think of a decent blog name!

All this masturbating thinking made my Head hurt. So I decided to have my Head massage for a while… to relax… so I can think of a decent name for this blog. So I called my Yaya.

“Yaya! Yohooo… come over here. I have something to ask you.”

In came (oh not yet) Yaya. Oh the sight of her… Her flowing hair, her full and dark eyes, here narrow and pointed nose, her nice pair of racks, her small waist and flat stomach rested on her rounded hips, her flowing hair once more, her round thighs and long legs. Oh my yaya.

“Watesetser?”

“Oh nothing. I have another one of those Headache caused by too much masturbating thinking”

“Se ser talaga. Ang heleg heleg kasi magdyakol magesep” (Fuck it…Yaya, does it too?)

“I’m thinking of something. A name for my penis blog.”

“Ah talaga ser? Segi, esep ka lang dyan. Ako bahala sa ulu  mu.”

“Ok”

“Ser hobaden mu na.” (whoaaaa… yaya naman wag dito)

“Huh?” (my fingers slowly working their way to the garters or my shorts)

“Yong HidSit ng mp3 pliyer mu. Panu ku mahelut yan olu mu kong andyan yan.” (Damn It!)

And as my yaya did what she does best, Giving Head…. a gentle massage. My mind relaxed. It slowly my thought process seems to be improving. I finally remembered where I put that damn key. I remembered the name of that actress who starred in that movie. I remembered the first word I ever said when I was young. I finally understood the theory of relativity. Oh, the feeling! Then after my yaya gave me Head…massage, it finally came to her me.

MINDSTURBATION

Whoaaa! Getting Head… massage really helps.

So I kissed my yaya and went straight to the computer.

I was so happy… I typed it in google to see if anyone has thought of the word already. And…. Damn! Its already in the Urben Dictionary. Fuck it.  At least there is still no mindsturbation.wordpress.com. but still, FUCK!

Although pissed off of the person who thought of that word first, I am happy, that my Yaya gave me Head… massage, that I now have a blog, and I have my first post.

Note: I really did not have any idea that that word existed. Damn it! I wanna know which of you muthafuckers thought of that! Ill explain MINDSTURBATION on my next post and what it really means for me.